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The pick up artist
Stefan Lee Fook

The pick up Artist

by Stefan Lee Fook

It's that time of the year, when resolutions are made, the last parang song done play and everybody has to get buffalicious to cross the stage. I don't blame allyuh. Carnival is the epitome of bacchanal. Forget building a wall, if Donald Trump ever got a Trini wine... he would start building a bridge...straight to Trinidad. I am just here to warn the females that as you flock to your nearest gym... so do the wolves. That guy who can't stop staring at you because to him a full body workout consists of eyes as well. He is just waiting for the right moment to hit you with his best opening line. Sometimes he comes good, sometimes he comes bad. Here are 5 pick up lines you may hear at the gym pre Carnival.

“Hey it's your turn to spot me since I spotted you the minute you walked in here.”

If wearing the correct sleeveless attire this one can actually work. Delivery is key, but as Jack Warner has shown, even a speech impediment can take you places. The degree of difficulty isn't hard on this one liner because you're sure to get a smile even for trying it. This is one of those lines that actually works and ten years later she still can't believe she fell for it and now she hates you because the only thing you're spotting is an increasing belt size.

“Have you ever heard of the all protein diet? I can introduce you to some meat..”

The slapability factor is 100% with this line. Ladies if a line like this works on you then you should consider a career as a volunteer worker because you're very giving. If you're a guy and reading this line and think you should add it to your arsenal, please research the word "couth". The degree of difficulty in delivering this one is very high. It's risk versus reward. The rewards may be a few wild nights but the risk of getting a black eye and becoming a registered offender far outweigh it.

“I got stopped by a police officer on the way here. He told me it was illegal to carry these guns in public.”

The only thing cornier than this line is the man delivering it. Chances are he is shaped like a Dorito with the upper body of a Greek god and the lower body of a meek dog. He probably looks at a leg curl the same way a caveman would look at the Internet. Ladies, falling for this line would mean sharing the mirror AND bathroom time... you don't want that! The degree of difficulty in delivering this one is high because you would have to fight your way back from pure lack of creativity only to be kicked out the door for trying way too hard.

“My personal trainer told me I had to come talk to you for five minutes as part of my routine.”

This line is quite strategic, by making it about the trainer, the hunter automatically deflects the pressure away from him and then creeps in with some good conversation while her guard is down. The follow up conversation is probably the most important part of his strategy because having a strong opening line without good convo is like having a long football season without a trophy to show for it (Arsenal comes to mind). Degree of difficulty is a medium, it can open the door but she might also tell you that you need to be working out your chest rather than your mouth.

“I think this is love at first set..”

The corniness force is strong in this one but if he plays the numbers game he will meet one lovestruck soul who is so in love with the word "love" that the mere sound of the word makes them hear wedding bells. If he comes on too strong on the follow up he is planting seeds for a stalker if it doesn't work out. The degree of difficulty in delivering this line is low... so low that you probably should not try it because chances that the person falling for it ends up being super needy is extremely high.

“An opening line is the best way to break the ice, but it is not an excuse to take what you want, because what you may want is not what she may want. On a very serious note, domestic violence and abuse against women is wrong. Admiring a beautiful woman is a given, thinking that you have some God given right to her is sick. During this carnival season and onwards please respect women for who they are and not what you think they can do for you. It is time for everyone to make a change and not carry on the perverse standards that we have become accustomed to. It takes everyone to make a change, this is not the mannequin challenge... we all don't just get to stand around and do nothing.”

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