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Stefan Lee Fook

10 Pet Peeves at the Gym

by Stefan Lee Fook

When one goes to the gym, one must be extremely focused. After sweating out a good gym session, you are ready to conquer any task put in front of you. You're in a mental state of readiness during this time and nothing is going to take this away from you...except that one person, the one taking a selfie while you wait to do your next set, or the Elton John tune the gym looks to throw on in the middle of your 4th set of Mountain Climbers. Now you feel like the only mountain you want to climb is the one that gets you to the cherry on top of a sundae. Here are ten of the biggest gym pet peeves known to man. This stuff will take you right out of your zone!

1. The Lazy Sweater

This particular species is easy to trace. They leave their DNA on every thing they touch. How hard is it to wipe a machine down after you're done with it? We're not asking you to massage it, but a quick rub normally does the job. The next time YOU have to navigate the minefield of sweat pools to increase the speed on the treadmill, just remember to think of your fellow gym member to come.

2. The Know it All

These are the people whose only workout comprises of the cardio they get by walking around to people to give them the best advice on everything, but they actually know nothing. That one guy who thought crossfit was a way for the church to get their congregation healthy (Something about walking up a hill carrying a heavy load). If my form isn't good, I don't need you to give me your resume...just one or two pointers will do the trick.

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3. Selfie Queen

Now I'm not picking on the females but you'll outnumber the men greatly in this regard. You do find the duck lipped male platypus species around the gym on the rare occasion but not as much as the arched back of the conceitous selfieus admirus. What I don't get is, you're coming to the gym to sweat...why are you wearing make up? These girls take photos at the gym that could make it in to Maxim magazine. Do you know an average gym fee is $350-$400. Next time you post to Instagram please make sure and put #Icouldvefedahungrychild.

4. Cooler Traffic Jam

Why does it always seem that when my mouth is the driest, the person at the top of the water cooler line is trying to fill a water bottle but has the aim of a drunk man. Soon to be followed by the old lady who doesn't even know how to get the water to come out and the two girls who must stop to talk every few seconds. At that point in time I am most connected with my brethren who live in Arima and work in town.

5. The Screamer

Yes...we know you can lift alot, yes...we know you are totally dedicated to creating the perfect body and yes...we also know that your orgasm probably sounds like a newborn puppy. Seriously...do you have to be that loud? Especially when it's for no good reason at all. Screaming like if someone took your first born might push you to your limits, but it also pushes others to theirs. Dropping the weight and walking away like you're constipated also doesn't help the situation. Take some inside voice classes and everyone will be happy.

6. The Space Invader

The last thing I want to do is get into the shower at the gym. The thought of all the other people that have used it before makes me soap faster than a male prisoner. Then along comes Mr. Invade your Space, who then proceeds to dry their nether regions like they're sawing themselves in half. Maybe if they weren't close enough for you to feel the moisture it would not matter... but the fact that you feel like you're in a carnival cool zone, until you remember the source of the coolness means that this individual is way too close.

7. The Lost Dumbbell

How hard is it for someone not to walk half way across the gym with just one dumbell? Even if they took the pair I wouldn't mind...but just one? Gyms should start to install a GPS on these things just to have satisfied clientele. In the meantime I'm stuck with my arm game looking like Popeye in one arm and Olive Oyl in the next. These culprits should be easy to find though... just look for the people working out with mismatched socks.

8. Drop It Like It's Hot

You're psyching yourself up to complete your last set of arm curls...your arms are burning but you are focused. And just as you are about to start, you hear a loud crash. Your only reaction is to jump like a school girl, and no pumping yourself up in the mirror is going to make you forget that. If weights were meant to be dropped like that I am pretty sure they would have have covered it in bubble wrap.

9. Just Keep it Pumpin

Music and the gym go together like a Trinidadian and his opinion. Nothing messes with your work out like a bad music mix. A Road March tune gives you that extra push... Like a Boss! Following that up with a Celine Dion mix also gives you a push... right out the door. If I wanted to romance some weight, I would've stuck around on singles night at the buffet. Please leave the mellow stuff for the yoga studio.

10. Machine Maniac

A good exercise routine is made up of a balance of some cardiovascular, some weight training and some aerobics. Going to the gym and using one machine for 3 hours doesn't only scream imbalance... it also screams possessive. If you spent any more time with that one machine it would be considered squatting, and I'm not talking about working on those glutes. Other paying members would also like to use the machine, but it makes it very hard when you assume ownership. It gets to the point where the eliptical should file a restraining order.

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